Condemnation

The mind can't make up it's mind today. I have written and deleted four different variations for a start for today's blog. But alas, one part says yes, the other says, "Do you really want to post this?". So I start over again only to find my mind saying the same cynical thing. Clothes smelling of cheap booze, cigarettes and freshly scoffed bacon; I'm rearing to go. Today, what do you want with me? What will you make me do today, Today? Perhaps I shall begin with a nice hot shower to disinfect my smelly self.

Then maybe, write a book or paint a picture, or relax in the sunless lawn overlooking my wonderful tortoises who have a keen eye for my baby ©peppadew© plantation. But thats our little secret, I don't think I'm allowed to grow those plants. Oh wait - it's even worse having tortoises! Umh... those tortoises I was telling you about - they're carved in stone and do not walk, eat, or look at ©peppadew© plants. When you come and visit, I'll paint them grey so they even look like stone tortoises. What if one sneezes when you're here? Then you'll know the truth and you'll send my tortoises away to the animal anti cruelty league because I painted them grey to hide the fact I was keeping unlicensed creatures in my backyard! What am I to do? Oh bother!!

I suppose I won't let you visit then.

Blackheads and Robots

I'm expecting a call. Who shall it be? Why should they call? Upon what grounds do they have to be disturbing me at this time? What do they want? I will not answer. It could be a man, a woman, the love of my life. My mother, my father, my untrained ex-wife. But be as it may, this call shall be coming today. I will not hear their message. I will not be intrigued to find out their news. Whatever news it may be. Be it bad, be it good, death or birth. I am under no pressure to listen to them. Oh no here it comes, I feel the vibration in my jean pant. I will leave my phone in there. I will not answer. Oh now my terrible ringtone, I must really change that damn song.
Let me mute it so the tune doesn't annoy me. The screen flashes "Unknown Number" - I'm intrigued. Don't press it! It might be the most important call of my life, do I really want to throw it away? The opportunity to find out who's calling? Stop flashing, I will not answer! The song is coming to an end... this may be my last chance to find this hidden secret. Ok, I'm doing it, I'm pressing the green knobbie. "Hello?"
"Hello, this is Mamphikoziswane from Capitech. I would like to offer you our newest credit card special. Can I have a few minutes of your time?"
"No, fuck off"
click

What a waste of time.